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Bladesong News

I'm going to take tonight's update as a chance to be brutally honest with you. Bladesong is better than your guild. We raid 7.5 to 9 hours a week and I can't remember the last time we failed to kill a new boss in a week. I've tried to soften the blow by making witty jokes about Giznat's asshole, or killing off stuffed animals, but really at some point it's just insulting your intelligence to pretend we aren't awesome. I mean it's Thursday and we killed another new Mythic boss that guilds struggle on for weeks. This is my shocked face ----> yell I'm just messing with you that's my pooping face, and you totally made eye contact.

WTF is wrong with you?

Run a train on Bagels

I'm really pretty proud of how far we have come in such a short time. I mean everyone has really stepped it up...except Giznat. I mean it's not like it's hard to sit at home on an inflatable donut while your anal fissure heals up. But I digress I'm reverting back to my old ways. We still have maybe 2 spots left for exceptional DPS. If you are a terrible DPS please feel free to apply directly with Nismo and explain to him in great detail why you only did 24k DPS on your current guilds last Mythic Gruul kill. He really enjoys that stuff. If you will excuse me I'm going to start working on my Mythic Maiden update now so that it will actually be funny by next week. 

Giznat Hey, I can do 60k DPS as Enhance... just sayin BTW IM BACK! POOP BREAKS ARE BACK IN FULL EFFECT!

I'm not sure what's in the water at Bladesong lately but this kill a new mythic a week pace is killing me when it comes to updating the site. Just kidding please keep doing what you're doing. After having only seen Kromog for a night last week after downing flamebender we went back in with a slightly better game plan. Mainly it involved the guild leader actually doing damage to the pillars when they spawned. Turn's out it worked like a Charm and Kromog fell over in only 32 total attempts. 

Suck it Tectus, We got your bro

Not only did we kill Tectus...I mean Kromog but we also had an entire night this week to play with trains. How fun is that? Not to bring down this feel good update but I did want to take a moment to remember our fallen mascot. A moment of silence please...

Poor butthole

We are looking for exceptional healers and damage dealers to join our increasingly impressive ranks for 6.2 and beyond. I mean we are ranked 20th on the server now so we have to be good right? Screw you highmaul....screw you. 

Giznat Nice Job fellas! I will return soooooooon! This Florida sun is treating me very well ...

Another week, another dead boss. Making updates is getting exhausting! Luckily this one was just a few quick screen caps. Keeping it simple and staying away from the photoshop. After all we are a reputable news website. First off lets get the dirty business out of the way...

She loves the bitches

We made pretty short work of flamebender this week as predicted. We decided to go take a look at Kromog since Irish loves his hallways so much. Everything was going pretty well until suddenly our (now) second best shaman was AFK for Kromog pulls. Not a big deal he just had to use the restroom, I was sure he would be back any minute. The acceptable amount of time to spend in the bathroom came and went and still no Giznat. I decided to check social media in case something had gone wrong and what I found was shocking.

OMG his butt fell out.

I can only assume by the hash tag "#ProlapsedRectum" he was being rushed to the hospital. Apparently he will be gone for the next two weeks "On vacation" while he recovers. We here at bladesong wish you a speedy recovery number 2!

Giznat LOL, sometimes you gotta go... I take prolonged power dumps man.
Combination WHO...DOES....NUMBER TWO....WORK FOR?!?!?!?!?!?!

It's not often I get to be lazy enough to use the same title for an update twice in a row. So thanks Blizzard you the real MVP. Anyway as I mentioned last week we were painfully close to killing Hans and Franz sooooo yeah. This one's for you Plushy Giznat! R.I.P.

HansFranz

In what's become an awesome pattern of almost being impressive we very nearly killed flamebender the same night. We are nothing if not consistent though so my guess is we kill it next week and then wipe to Kromog at 4%, fingers crossed everybody!

Another good week of raiding Mythic in BRF. We had a pretty good feeling of what it would take to beat Oregorger from trying him some the week before. I was so confident we would beat him this week that I threatened to kill a defenseless plushy should we not get him. Lucky for Plushy Giznat AKA favorite Giznat in guild we were able to pull off the win pretty quickly.

 That was a close one plushy Giznat

We did so well in fact that we almost killed hans and franz on mythic (they will die next reset.) For those of you who know me I tend to be pretty pessimistic when it comes to guild progression as anything that can go wrong seems to go wrong the majority of the time. I don't know what was different this week I just had a good feeling we were gonna drop two bosses. Sadly we came a few % short. In order to fill the hole left in my heart by failing to go 4/10M this week someone had to pay....

 R.I.P. Highest DPS Giznat

I'm so sorry Plushy Giznat. You had a good run as our second highest DPS elemental shaman but sacrifices must be made if you want to raid at an elite level on 8 hours a week. I'm dedicating our next Mythic kill to you, and in your honor we have set up a scholarship fund for bad elemental shaman to learn how to play. 

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